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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27260257">Place of refuge</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93'>younoknowme93</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, No Smut, One-Sided Attraction, Oneshot, Past Sexual Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Severus Snape/Rubeus Hagrid - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:28:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27260257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not something I’m allowed to ask about.  It’s a bit odd actually, but for his sake, I never ask.  It’s not uncommon for students to find refuge in my hut.  I keep it nice and homey I do.  Students are a lot like animals.  They like knowing they are safe.  Even the ones all fangs and claws want it too.  <br/>So, it started when he was a student.  Late at night- long since students should be in bed- a sneaky little student would sneak out of the castle and into my hut.  Silently he would curl up in my chair- it swallowed his small frame.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rubeus Hagrid/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Place of refuge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I enjoy this pairing and was wanting to write a mostly fluffy story.  I hope you all enjoy.  Onward my ducklings.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not something I’m allowed to ask about.  It’s a bit odd actually, but for his sake, I never ask.  It’s not uncommon for students to find refuge in my hut.  I keep it nice and homey I do.  Students are a lot like animals.  They like knowing they are safe.  Even the ones all fangs and claws want it too. </p>
<p>So, it started when he was a student.  Late at night- long since students should be in bed- a sneaky little student would sneak out of the castle and into my hut.  Silently he would curl up in my chair- it swallowed his small frame.  Then before sunrise, he would sneak back to the castle.  Going just as silently as he came. </p>
<p>Saying nothing, I began leaving a blanket out for the stowaway.  In an easy to find location.  Thrown in such a way that he wouldn’t think it was intentional.  I was glad to see him using it.  Before sunrise he would leave.  Place the blanket in the same place and vanish into the morning.</p>
<p>I knew I had to tell Dumbledore.  It isn’t something that would be good if others found out, but I also didn’t want the tyke to get in trouble.  Sure enough, he must have a reason.  I told Dumbledore, and he stroked his long beard.</p>
<p>“I believe young Severus doesn’t have anywhere else to go.  His own house mates have little to do with him, and his parents care very little.”  Dumbledore looked at me in his knowing way, and that was more or less the end of that conversation.</p>
<p>The young student still came and slept in my chair each night.  I never talked to the scrawny little thing and simply let him do as he pleased.  If my chair was a place where he felt safe, I wasn’t going to scare him away.  Let him come as he likes.</p>
<p>I really never expected him to honestly admit to sleeping in my hut.</p>
<p>When he became a teacher, all nightly visits ended.  I expected him to quietly keep those nights a secret.  Instead, he became unnaturally honest.  I still remember the official meeting he asked to have with me in my home at seven fifteen, sharp.  He sat in the seat I’ve seen him sleep in countless times; his legs were crossed at his ankles.  I brewed him a cup of tea and he drank it thoughtfully.</p>
<p>“Hagrid, do you know why I have asked to speak with you.”</p>
<p>“I cannot say I rightly know sir.”  His jaw clinches and I’m afraid I’ve already set him off.</p>
<p>“As a child- a student, I was thankful that you never questioned my actions, but thinking clearly as I do now, you must have known.”</p>
<p>“I have no idea what you mean sir.”  If he wishes for an out, I will give him one.</p>
<p>“Yes, you do.  I don’t know why I didn’t realize you were leaving blankets out for me.  In your own way, you were trying to make me feel more comfortable.  I thank you for that.  This chair has been the only place I have ever been able to sleep soundly.”</p>
<p>“Sir,” He holds up his hand to stop me as an emotion crosses his face before I can figure out what it may be he’s already back to his black expression.</p>
<p>“Please let me finish Hagrid.  As a student I knew better than to ask for permission to stay here.  That would be altogether improper.  I was often not allowed inside the Slytherin Common rooms due to my friendship with Lily Evens.  Even once my friendship with her went sour, I could not bring myself to stay in a place where I did not feel welcome.  As you are aware, Dumbledore appointed me Slytherin Head of House.  As such, I am no longer able to sleep away from the castle.  I must be close in case there is some sort of emergency.”  He’s holding the tea cup nervously.  “That is what brings me to the topic of this meeting.”  He clinches his eyes tightly as if trying to summon courage.  “I would like to offer you a job.”</p>
<p>“Sir, I don’t really understand.  I’m pretty happy here as a groundskeeper.”  He closes his eyes and exhales slowly.</p>
<p>“It would actually be more like a chore, and it would not impact your daily life terribly.  Hagrid, I can’t sleep.  I would like for you to stay in my rooms with me until I fall asleep.”  His knuckles are turning white, and his hands are shaking.  When I don’t say anything immediately, he continues.  “It would not take more than an hour of your time each day, and we can negotiate a price that we are both satisfied with.”</p>
<p>“How would having me nearby help you sleep.”  His right hand crosses in front of his chest to nervously squeeze his left arm.</p>
<p>“It is not uncommon for me to get high levels of anxiety before I go to sleep each night.  It is primarily due to the types of dreams I have.  More often than not, I have night terrors.  It has always made me a light sleeper.  When I stayed in this chair, I was able to sleep through the night because your presence calms me.  I’m sure that if you were to stay with me until I get to sleep, then I would be able to get at least some sleep each night.”</p>
<p>“Professor, sir.”</p>
<p>“Hagrid,” he cuts me off quickly,  “it is not common for me to ask for assistance.  I… truly hate feeling like I need help from another.  Even if you were to just help me a night or two out of the week, I would be appreciative.  I would pay you whatever you wanted.”  He has dark shadows under his eyes.</p>
<p>“but, how did you manage when you were a student.  On holidays when you would go home to your parents.”  He clinches his jaw and crosses his arms securely.</p>
<p>“I didn’t sleep.  My… he wasn’t… the kind sort.”  He says trailing off.  “I couldn’t be unconscious around him.  I mean.”  He bites his bottom lip.  “He never cared if I was awake or asleep.  He did… anything he pleased.  But at least if I were awake then I could try to… stop him.” </p>
<p>“Sir, did your father…”  He holds up his hand to stop me again.</p>
<p>“That isn’t important!  Just don’t think about it.  I’m afraid to go to sleep, and dreamless sleep have no affect on me.  I’ve developed an immunity to it.  Hagrid.  You are the only one I can and would ask.”  He bows his head low, and even if I was the type to say ‘no’, I couldn’t refuse him right now.</p>
<p>“Of course I will, sir.”  He nods relieved.  “When would you like for me to start.”  He blinks tiredly. </p>
<p>“Right now.  I haven’t… six days.  I’ve been using potions and coffee to stay awake.  I didn’t want to ask.  If you said no, I didn’t know what…”  He rests his head in his hands and he looks as young as he is.  It’s so easy to forgot how young he is with the premature wrinkles from stress.  I see him smile for the first time, and it lightens his face.  He doesn’t look as haggard. </p>
<p>“Alright then Professor, let’s get you to yer bed.”  He smiles and nods, but the moment he goes to stand he collapses back on the large chair.  It startles me, and I rush over to him.  His chest is rising and falling evenly, and I can hear soft snores.  He really was tuckered out.  I lift him carefully so as to not startle the sleeping man in my arms.  Gentle I rock him awake and his eyes look more tired and bloodshot than before.  “Professor, you fell asleep.  I have to get you to your room.”  Disoriented for a moment he grumbles. </p>
<p>“Sassafras.  Password.”   And he’s back asleep.  After that, it was easy enough to bring him inside the castle, go to his personal room, and say the password to get inside.  He slept the entire time.  I lay him in his bed and figure he will be alright sleeping in his day robes just for tonight.  Still, I cover him up all snug like, smooth his hair off of his face, and leave the man to sleep.  If not for his hand reaching out and grasping me, I would have left.  “Are you…. Already?”  His eyes look large and like a child’s asking their mother to stay just a bit longer. </p>
<p>“Sir, you aren’t fully awake right now, try to get some sleep.”  Weakly his fingers grip my sleeve tighter.</p>
<p>“Severus.  My name is Severus, not sir.  Please stay, It’s only safe when you are with me.”  I don’t rightly understand what he means, but his pleading tone can’t be refused. </p>
<p>“Just a bit longer then… Severus.”  He smiles at me and I’ve already accepted that I’ll stay the whole night need be.  Sitting next to his bed, propped against the wall, I watch this strange man sleep.  He’s grasping my arm tightly in his sleep to make sure I don’t leave and the content smile hasn’t left his peaceful features. </p>
<p>Many students have found my hut to be a safe place, but for Severus, it seems that I am his safe place.  I don’t rightly know what that means yet, but for now I will not ask the man.  I’ll just let him feel all safe and sound and if the time comes, then he will tell me himself. </p>
<p>“Rubeus.” He mumbles in his sleep.  I’m not sure what dreams he could be having about me, but from the pleasant look on his face, I’m sure they are good ones.</p>
<p>“I’m right here Severus.”  I say gently.  “Just you sleep and leave it to me to keep you safe.” </p>
<p>For as long as you want Severus, I’ll be your place of refuge.</p>
<p>During the day he says nothing.  He doesn’t even look in my direction, but each night I go to his bed chambers and he is always waiting with a light smile. </p>
<p>Tonight, he is in his bed clothes waiting for me.  A long gray night shirt, and he looks so cute with the shirt down to his thighs.  It reminds me of a child wearing their parent’s clothes, or someone wearing their lover’s shirt.  It makes my mouth dry.  I’ve never really had the opportunity to see a lover the next day wearing my clothes as if they belonged to them since I’ve never had a lover.  My size is off putting to the fairer gender, and I’ve never had the opportunity to find any potential partner- much less take them to bed. </p>
<p>“Professor.”  I say gently.  He’s already beneath his covers with his eyes closed, but I’ve seen him sleep enough times to know that he Is still awake.  We rarely talk during these moments.  My task is to simply be here until he falls asleep.  Nothing more. </p>
<p>“Yes Hagrid?”  His eyes remain closed.  He only calls me Rubeus in his sleep, and that’s the only time I ever call him Severus. </p>
<p>“How long are you wanting me to stay.”</p>
<p>“Just until I fall asleep as per the usual.”</p>
<p>“Yes sir, I know that.  For how much longer.  How many more times?”  He tenses, and his eyes open in understanding.</p>
<p>“I suppose I am taking up many of your evenings.”  He’s quiet for a spell then continues.  “For as long as you are willing.”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t we… maybe find a way where you don’t need me here.  It isn’t that I mind, but if something were to happen and I weren’t able to stay with you.”  He exhales and sits up in his bed.</p>
<p>“If it were as simple as finding a way to overcome this issue, then I would have found it already.  Asking you for help wasn’t my first option.  It was pretty well the last.  Even as a student I struggled to find solutions.  During the breaks where I had to go to my parent’s home, I stayed awake until my body collapsed.”</p>
<p>“I know you mentioned night terrors, but sir what exactly…”</p>
<p>“That is something I would rather not talk about Hagrid.”  His hands close around the bed sheets and he looks so small.  “If I am taking up your valuable time, then simply leave.  Come as often or as seldom as you please.  If you require more money for your time then you will have it.”  I told him that I didn’t want any payment, but he insisted.  Vulnerable as he is, Severus Snape is still a proud man that refuses handouts.  I’ve put the money into a vault.  I don’t really need it.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing like that sir.  I just think if I know what scares you so much then maybe it’ll be easier for me to help.”</p>
<p>“Far from it.  I think it would only hinder your ability to help.  I do not enjoy relying on you in this way Hagrid, but I am afraid that this has been the only solution- temporary or otherwise- that has had any effect.”  He turns away from me and curls comfortably on his side.  His back is rigid and unyielding.  “There is a security having you around.  Since I was a student, I understood that you were someone that I could rely on.  I know you are helping me because you are a bleeding heart.  I know that I’m taking advantage of your kindness, but I am just so tired Hagrid.  I’m much to exhausted to be prideful.”</p>
<p>“I understand sir.”</p>
<p>“You are free to not come.”  He says not looking at me.  “If you are busy or unable to assist me, then don’t.  I am not in any position to be choosy or particular.  Help me as often or seldom as you please.  If at any point you are unwilling to continue then..” He pauses.  “I will bare no ill will against you.”</p>
<p>“I just thought sir that you might not want me lumbering around for so long.  I mean if you start to fancy a lady, why, you’re a young man after all-“</p>
<p>“Don’t mock me Hagrid.”  There is no venom are heat in his tone.  Just detachment.  Like he isn’t the one talking.</p>
<p>“I’m not at all sir!”  With his back facing me it’s impossible to figure out what he may be thinking or feeling.  “Why, you are hardly into your twenties.  I’d be normal for you to have…”</p>
<p>“I’m not normal Hagrid.  I’ve never fancied women.  The only one I might have is… well that doesn’t matter anymore.”</p>
<p>“Then do you er, prefer men?”</p>
<p>“No more than women.  I don’t really prefer anyone.  I don’t have any interest in love or fooling around.  I just want to be left alone, and sleep more than an hour each night.  I don’t have the right to ask for any more than that.”</p>
<p>“Of course you do.  Everyone deserves to be happy.”</p>
<p>“No.  I really don’t.  I’m not a good person Hagrid.”</p>
<p>“Well, Dumbledore seems to think you are good enough to trust you.”</p>
<p>“To any extent, there is an end date to our arrangement.  I’m not wholly sure when exactly it may take place, but the process is already in motion.”</p>
<p>“You got a plan?  What is it if you don’t mind me asking.”</p>
<p>“I would rather not talk about it.”</p>
<p>It took another seventeen years for me to understand what exactly the plan in motion was.  As he lay bleeding out on the floor of the shrieking shack, I feel farther away than I’ve ever been from this man.  He’s always held me at arm’s length.  Even when he did talk to me candidly, it was clear he didn’t open up out of friendship but more because I happened to be there.  I gather him in my arms and his body falls limply. </p>
<p>I couldn’t believe that he killed Dumbledore.  The man I’ve admired and trusted since I was a wee student.  All those nights I stayed with him… I thought that I knew the man- well enough at least.  And I felt betrayed.  I couldn’t understand.  He fled Hogwarts and then came back as a false headmaster.  I still couldn’t understand.  It didn’t make any sense. </p>
<p>But here he is.  My wounded and jaded animal.  Barely alive and not even fighting.</p>
<p>This was always your plan from the beginning.  Or was it Dumbledore’s plan?  Either way, you expected this.  Looked forward to it even.</p>
<p>How many nights did I watch you struggle to sleep without realizing that you were waiting for the day you would die? </p>
<p>“It’s a miracle he’s alive.”  Says Poppy.  She was the only mediwitch willing to heal him.  Everyone else ignored his bleeding neck to heal another injured witch or wizard.  There are so many in need of healing and Severus Snape was never well liked even before he ‘betrayed’ Dumbledore. </p>
<p>“Is he going to recover?”  She nods thoughtfully. </p>
<p>“It will take time. I’ve done what I can, now he just needs rest, and a lot of it, but we just don’t have room for him in the medical wing- there are simply to many injured.  I know the two of you were close in the past.  Could you look after him?”  If I were to refuse there would be no place for him- not that I would ever.</p>
<p>“I have him.”  She nods and rushes off to heal another.  Those that are not certified as mediwitches but can do at least simple healing charms are searching for as many survivors as they can.  If I had finished school maybe I would be one of them. </p>
<p>“Hag…r…r.”  A painful sounding cough stops the attempt to speak.</p>
<p>“You should try not to talk sir.”</p>
<p>“Sor.. sorrr.”  Another cough.</p>
<p>“Sir.  Please.  Poppy could only do so much.  You need to rest.”</p>
<p>“I’m.  Sorry.”  He struggles around every syllable.  “Daa… Didn’t.  Kill.  Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Sir.  Whatever it is.  It’s fine.”  His eyes are trying desperately to tell me something.</p>
<p>“Dumble…. Killed… sorry.”  He winces in pain.  “I… killed… sorry.”</p>
<p>“I understand, young Harry told me that you were just following what the headmaster asked you to do.  I don’t blame you.”  He nods heavily. </p>
<p>“Ti…red.”  It’s only now that I look away from his sliced up neck to the dark bags under his eyes.  It’s been almost a year since he killed Dumbledore.  Almost a year since I’ve sat with him until he managed to fall asleep.  He’s done well hiding how tired he must have been from everyone’s eyes, but it’s catching up to him.</p>
<p>“I’ll bring you to your room.”</p>
<p>“No.”  He says weakly.  “No.”  The word is a faint whisper.  “Want.  Chair..”  His dark eyes refuse to close even as he relaxes into my chest.</p>
<p>“Sir, what chair.  I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“Chair.”  He winces but repeats the word.  “Chair.”</p>
<p>“What chair?  The one in my home.”  He nods heavily. </p>
<p>“Chair.”  His heavy eyelids fight to stay open. </p>
<p>I take him to my hut and keep him held in my arms as I sit in my large wellworn chair.  The one that I found him sleeping in countless times.  The moment I sit, I hear light snores.  Hands weakly grasp at my clothes.</p>
<p>“Rebu..” </p>
<p>“I have you sir.  Just sleep.  I’ll stay here the entire time.”  I’m not really sure if he hears me or not, but he doesn’t fight sleep.  He’s as light as the first time I carried him to his room.  I’m not sure how everyone will take Severus being loyal.  Will he be forgiven?  I’m sure some will not even consider believing him innocent.</p>
<p>His fingers grab a handful of my shirt and unconsciously he’s pressing his face into my chest.  He almost looks like a wee baby taking a nap.</p>
<p>It feels like forever since he asked me to his room to help him sleep.  Even after all that time, he is and was still a stranger.  I was nothing more than a person being held at length.  Sure, many times he opened up to me, but he never trusted me with anything to terribly important.  I still have the vault of coins given to me.  I still have no interest in it.  It’s a modestly large sum.  Poppy said the most important thing for him right now is rest.  So, I’ll make sure he has rest.  I’ll make sure he feels plenty safe enough to sleep. </p>
<p>My chest feels tight holding him.  Certainly, it’s not the first time that he’s been in my arms, but this weird feeling is new.  I was always protective, but now I don’t think I could let him go. </p>
<p>He sighs contently in his sleep and presses deeper into my chest as if the sound of my heart beat is what gives him comfort.  He’s haggard and exhausted.  Bloodied and broken in spots.  Still.  He looks..</p>
<p>Lovely?</p>
<p>I’m not sure.  Maybe if I were a smarter bloke I would understand what this weird feeling is.  He was a student at one point and of course I felt the need to protect him- just as I do for every student.  I don’t want to protect him like I do for students though.  I would stay up with any child too afraid of nightmares to sleep.  He’s not a child though I feel compelled as if he were one.  He isn’t though.</p>
<p>Hasn’t been for a long while.  I can’t quite say I saw him as a man when he first started teaching though.  Sure he demanded respect, and so many children were terrified of him, but he wasn’t much older than most of them himself.  Holding him right now feels so much more different.  I’m holding another man.  Not a boy needing help sleep, but an adult that was to beaten down to care about his pride. </p>
<p>After some hours he slowly starts moving.  His palms rub into his still tired dark eyes.  “Rubeus?”</p>
<p>“Uh, yes sir?” </p>
<p>“Just… making sure you haven’t left.”  The action is so child-like that it’s endearing. </p>
<p>“Still won’t sleep if I’m not around I see?”  His eyes are lightly shut and he drifts between being awake and not.  He sounds better already.  He still strains around the words, but Poppy’s healing has always been strong.  He’s understandable now at least.</p>
<p>“Only safe here.  Smells nice.”  Now that’s a first.  Working with creatures makes you smell, but nice aint the word most would use.  “Like outside.  Sun.  Herbs.”  Each word is breathed out.  “Can’t let me go outside.  It would be bad if the neighbors knew I was a freak.  Don’t tell him.” </p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry anymore.”</p>
<p>“I’m tired.”</p>
<p>“Then get some rest sir.”</p>
<p>“Don’t.  Don’t call me that.  I hate that word.  Sir made me call him sir.  Couldn’t call him ‘father’ not good enough to be son.  ‘no child of mine is a freak.  That bitch should have just aborted you.’ Don’t like Sir.  I don’t want to go home.  I want to stay here forever.  Warm and safe.”  It’s not a surprise that his father was less than kind.  It wasn’t uncommon for Severus to talk in his sleep and apologize to this ‘sir’.  I never tried to pry though.  He didn’t want to talk about it, and I wasn’t going to force it.  Still though, I may not be the smartest bloke, but it was easy to figure out that ‘sir’ was his father.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”</p>
<p>“Yes I do.”  He yawns.  “He’s always there.  Just waiting.  Waiting to hurt me again.”</p>
<p>“I won’t let anyone hurt you.”  My throat feels tight.  I’m sure he doesn’t hear me though.  He’s already back asleep.</p>
<p>This continues.  He wakes, makes sure I’m still near him, and then goes back to sleep.  Sometimes he will tiredly speak, but I’m not sure how conscious he really is.  He completely lax when I touch him.  This is the first time I’ve really taken notice.  His hair is silky and soft to the touch.  His skin is the color of spilt milk.  This close I can see the gentle curve of his lips when he’s content.  Even his eyes are deeper than I ever noticed before.  Dark and empty but also… full?  He’s always in control of every twitch and doesn’t betray how he must feel, but right now he’s unguarded.  Like a cat casually napping in the sun.</p>
<p>“Rubeus.”</p>
<p>“I’m still here.”  I say and that once again eases any tenseness of his muscles. </p>
<p>“Don’t hate me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t.  Why would I?”</p>
<p>“I killed Dumbledore.  I didn’t want to.”</p>
<p>“I know you didn’t Severus.  You were only following his orders.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter.  I still killed him.  Sir is right, I am a monster.”</p>
<p>“Severus.  You aren’t.  You didn’t want to hurt anyone.”</p>
<p>“Yes I did.  I hated Sir.  I wanted him dead.  I wanted everyone like him dead.  I wanted all of his horrible friend’s dead.  All of them.  Taking turns laughing and laughing till that was all I could hear.  That muggle woman who my dad hired to ‘make me a man’.  I don’t like being touched.  I just want to be left alone.”  I stroke his back.  He’s obviously not fully awake.  He does talk in his sleep.  Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t.  “Laughing at me.  Being held down.  I don’t want to be touched.”  As he says this he grabs me more securely refusing to let go.  “I just want to be left alone, but I hate being alone.  I hate how quiet everything is.”</p>
<p>“Severus, please just sleep.”</p>
<p>“It’s warm.”</p>
<p>“Should I.. let you go then?”</p>
<p>“You saved me.”</p>
<p>“No, Poppy saved you.  I just… Well I just am making sure you rest now.”</p>
<p>“You saved me.”  He insists.  “Long time ago.  I was in the forbidden forest.  I wanted to… not live.  So many scary things everywhere.  You found me.  Told me sometimes creatures act scary so that no one knows how scared they are.  Said that… I should still be careful.  No one cared.  But you still didn’t want me to get hurt.  I needed that.”</p>
<p>“Severus, anyone would…”</p>
<p>“No one would.  It felt nice.  It felt safe.  You let me stay here even though no one else wanted me around.”</p>
<p>“You should rest now.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“There isn’t any reason for you to be sorry.”</p>
<p>“I love you Rubeus.”  The words are said simply as if he were only stating a fact.  No shame or embarrassment.  Before I really understand what he’s said he continues.  “Don’t say it back.”</p>
<p>I’ve never really thought much about love in that sort of way.  In many ways, Severus is a mystery.  For all the time I’ve spent with him- I can’t say that I really know him.  Or what exactly I feel for him.  I wouldn’t call it love- I’m just not there.  It’s not that I mind that he’s a bloke- never considered it honestly.  So it’s not love.  But… I’m fond of him certainly.</p>
<p>I think I could love him with more time.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to say that back.”  He nods tiredly.  “But I think I might could.  I’m fond of you.”</p>
<p>“That’s nice.”  He says sleepily.  He’s breathing evenly.</p>
<p>“Severus?  Are you awake?”  He doesn’t respond.  So I let him sleep- not really sure what all he was conscious for.</p>
<p>At some point I fall asleep myself and wake to Severus removing himself from my grasp.  He looks well rested- still the shadows under his eyes remain.  He stands on shaky legs and hardly looks at me. </p>
<p>This is awake Severus.  I’ve seen his enough times to know.  He looks at me with no emotion and just a slow bow of his head to show that he notices me.</p>
<p>“Poppy said you need plenty of rest.  You shouldn’t move yet.  If you need anything, I can get it for you.  You must be hungry by now.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, but no.  I’m satiated now.  I thank you for taking care of me while I healed, but I am capable of caring for myself now.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t say you weren’t, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t use some help.”</p>
<p>“Hagrid, you have been more than kind, I will not ask for any more than I already have.  I appreciate your kindness, but I no longer have need of it.” </p>
<p>“Severus, how much do you remember since the war?”</p>
<p>“It’s all foggy.  I know that I had moments of consciousness, but I am unsure of what was reality and what was dream.”</p>
<p>“You told me that you love me.”  He opens his mouth and in a quick flash panic shows in his eyes before he hides it. </p>
<p>“And you believed me?  Hagrid, there is not telling who or what I thought I was talking to.  I could have been speaking to an ancient text book.  You are a kind fellow, but certainly not my type.”</p>
<p>“You used my name.”  Once again, the panic flashes.  “Severus.  I’m not angry.  You told me you love me and then told me to not say it back.”</p>
<p>“What… did you say?”  He questions slowly.</p>
<p>“I told you that I think I might could love you back, and I mean it.  If we got to know each other a little better without all of your guards up, then I think we would get on nicely.”  His ears are a shade of pink.  “Would you like that Severus?”  He laughs forcibly. </p>
<p>“I wish all of my dreams were like this one.  Maybe then I wouldn’t have to bother you all the time.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a dream.”  I pull him back to me.  “We will figure everything out later.  I care about you Severus.  I don’t really know to what extent yet, but I certainly care an awful lot.  Let’s rest up a bit more, and when you have gotten enough sleep, then we can talk more.”  His fingers grip my shirt. </p>
<p>“This really is a good dream.”  He curls against me deeper.  “You must be near the real me right now.  When you aren’t around, I only have nightmares.  I know this isn’t real, but it’s a good dream, so you must be close by.  That means that you at least don’t hate me.  That’s good enough for me.  As long as you don’t hate me, then that’s good enough.”</p>
<p>“Severus.  I’m never going to leave your side again.”  He laughs a bit under his breath.</p>
<p>“That would be a dream come true.  It’s a good thought.”</p>
<p>“Get some rest Severus.”  His fingers grip me securely. </p>
<p>“Thank you.”  He sounds so open and I feel like this is the first time he’s honestly let his guard down.  No, I certainly don’t love him yet, but the way his eyes drift close and the ghost of a smile fills me with warmth that could only be the birth of love.</p>
<p>Every since the first night I found him curled up in my chair, I wanted to shield his tiny frame from whatever troubled him.  I wanted to protect his vulnerability and let him just exist.  He’s a complicated fellow, but he’s also something special.  Flawed and sharp.  Broken and fragile.  Desperately needy, but prideful.  I don’t know what why he choose me, but if that’s his choice, then I’ll make sure to not disappoint him.  I’ll make sure to give him all the love and support he craves, just as soon as he wakes up from his dream.</p>
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